
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/13959048.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/F, F/M
  Fandom:
      No_Fandom
  Relationship:
      ameerah/amy
  Additional Tags:
      Vaginal_Fingering, Child_Abuse, Past_Sexual_Abuse, Lesbian_Sex, Phone
      Sex, Frottage, Hand_Jobs, Anal_Fingering, Anal_Sex, Premarital_Sex, Arab
      Character, Muslim_Character, Angst, Slow_Burn, Bisexual_Female_Character,
      Masturbation_in_Shower, Public_Masturbation, Depression, Insomnia,
      Suicide_Attempt, Dark_Character, Arranged_Marriage, Cheating, Polyamory,
      Smoking, Recreational_Drug_Use, Drinking, Breathplay, Light_Bondage,
      Bondage_and_Discipline, Semi-Public_Sex, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred,
      Manipulation, Blow_Jobs_in_a_Car, Explicit_Sexual_Content
  Stats:
      Published: 2018-03-13 Updated: 2018-03-18 Chapters: 2/? Words: 2285
****** cruel joke ******
by gal100
Summary
     ameerah has lived through 7 suicide attempts , she is so broken to
     even try to die again , nothing can bring her back or push her away
     from her existence, now she doesn't give a fuck , she will live by
     her rules to the best of her ability , a bisexual progressive female
     nerd living in a religious country this might as well be an alfa/
     omega/beta vers with all the misogyny sexism and homophobia .
Notes
     this is a story that doesn't represent the country i live in , but
     does represent the society i live in accurately as religious factions
     and tribal laws and social statues affect life differently
     this story relate closely to events in my life and some close friends
***** before the morning prayer *****
Still and damp with sweet under a heavy blanket ,ameerah can hear her sisters
breathing on their mattresses to her left and right , she cant move yet but the
heat is suffocating her to no end , someone must have turned the ac off after
they slept . Her hands are so numb moving them is an ordeal , she stumbles her
way up from the mattress careful not to step on the tangle of sheets and body
parts of her sisters.
still heavy with sleep and barefooted her sweaty feet slip on the smooth floor,
she falls smack on her forehead ,that didn’t even registers on her shit scale
and she just grunted ,shot back up ,went to her old room to pick up a towel
then headed back to the furthest bathroom away from her sleeping family ;she is
going to masturbate .
 
She turns the shower head and gets herself clean her hands wander teasingly
brushing her right nipple she squeezed it gently, its not enough to do anything
but perk her nipple ,ameerah wants to take her time with it , no rush ,there is
at least two hours until the first prayer of the day no one will wake before
that . She gives herself a scalp massage, then after conditioning her hair she
takes her fingers to her clean body she presses on , watching the water drops
on her thighs follow her fingers down to her knee her hands go back up her
thigh and then to her ass she cups it with both hands ,starts kneading it a
little then gives herself a smack on one cheek ;oh she bites her lip and moves
her right hand to her other lips .
 
She keeps her fingernails clipped so short ,spreading her lips apart with her
thump and middle finger she lets her index teas her clit softly ,she leans on
the wall cups her mouth with one hand “shit” she mutters , her head on the wall
reminds her of the dull ache on her forehead, but her finger is now her whole
hand, going over her clit and her labia just caressing and pushing and pulling
until she started panting and she could feel her wetness leaking ,she dips a
finger then brings it up to her nose to smell , the earthy smell she knows of
herself gets her knees weak she takes her finger in her mouth tasting it
,sucking on her finger , she drags her finger on her plump lower lip, the tip
of her tongue darting to teas the last of her taste Ameerah is almost on her
back now her shoulders propped on the wall behind her ,spreading her legs, her
knees are pent since the shower space is so small there is no way she could
straiten her legs ,which means her sex is spread open, she can touch every fold
on her beautiful vagaina Taking the showerhead on medium settings to her clit
she moves the stream downward to her opening ,it hurts a little but then its
pleasure pure pleasure ,its all she can do not to beg for something she moves
it back to her clit and starts moving it with a barely there circular movement
and that almost sent her over the edge so she directs the stream on her lips
instead ,today she will edge her self to completion , she sinks a finger into
her vagaina with a gasp , she cant control how her throat is making whiny
little noises that she bites her lips and hold her breath until she felt dizzy
,remembering to breath she lets out a gust of air that decompresses her lungs
,somehow with the relieve a low tremor worked it way toward her abdomen and
thighs with al the tell tales of a shattering orgasm .
She goes back to directing the stream to her clit and start shuddering her
pelvis is convulsing and her thighs are shaking all the way to her hip toes
curling with the threat of her orgasm but she holds on and on and on ,rocking
her hips involuntarily ,her muscles are aching now from the presser of trying
to stay under the stream and not to move away .
 
She is cumming now Hard; cant breath can’t make a sound and won’t move the
stream away she is determent to hit another orgasm right away and before she
could even let out the breath she is holding she is coming down with another
orgasm more intense than the one before it , her hands shaking her body is
convulsing she cant stop it she lays there with water running and her muscles
cramping hard , she is yet to be sated, in her post orgasmic haze she takes the
shower head off and uses the hose on a gentler setting ,her sensitivity now
turning pleasure to pain instead of the other way around . She direct the hose
with its weak stream on her clit again .
 
 it feels dead scrubbed raw too sensitive like an open wound , pinching a
nipple again trying to wake other nerves ending , to take her focus from the
pain and turn it to sweet sweet pleasure , her leg are still spread wide but
her feet are planted on the floor she is too tired to lift them again ,
Focusing on the sensation between her legs, she imagines her self strapped to a
bed , with a magic wand taped to her abdomen and rubbing her clit raw as her
dom drips lube into her body and if she kept her hips still that lube will find
its way to her abused clit but if she kept squirming that lube will be wasted
and her dom kindness will be for nothing, She imagines it and stills her her
hips and takes the burn of the water on her sensitive clit until something
gives and it’s all a war of control and well to keep her hand pointing the hose
there she is Cumming hard and trembling this times she doesn’t come down she
just keeps cumming again and again , by the forth orgasm she is panting and she
blacks out Ameerah is now aware of feet walking about the house , she is
blinking her eyes trying to shake the looseness in her body after an earth
shattering orgasm , she stands then lean on the wall to steady her self while
fixing the shower head ,giving her self a final scrub,maybe now she can brave
the day better .
***** Sunday *****
Chapter Notes
     past *child abuse warning *
     also the clothing issue is subjective
     it doesn't apply to all Muslim but it does
     apply to our ameerah as her family
     follow the strict teaching of certain Islamic scholars .
     _________________________________________________________
Its 8 :30 on a hot hot Sunday ,the start of an annoying week to be honest
,ameerah is so happy she got to have fun after her shower since she has an
algebra class back to back with Precalculus ,witch honestly is nobody’s fault
but her own .
She made her bed and now she will lie in it, blame it on her control issues
wanting to control when she suffers, against her academic instructor advice she
lumped six hard and heavy subjects into one semester.
Sitting curled on herself in an old armchair, in the furthest room from her
parents’ bedroom, it squeaked awfully with its age every time she stirred in it
,waiting for her dad pick her up for university ,since she is not allowed to
drive or go alone with a non-guardian male.
 
Her dad called, finally ameerah gathered herself and her massive bag witch was
her bag of rebellion, she plops into the car with a stupid thud in the
passenger seat.
The silence is more stifling to her than the ions of clothes she is wrapped in
,her dad catches on her discomfort and turns the ac all the way up then turns
the air vent to her side with silent nod eyes fixed on the road.
What her dad didn’t know is that her discomfort is not only because of her
heavy abaya and her suffocating niqap, in addition to that she was wearing
another abaya that sets on her shoulders then a tee shirt then a skirt to hide
her pants.
Her family is more religious than most and they deem wearing pants on bar with
committing a mortal sin which includes but not limited to killing an innocent
human ,so hiding her offensive garments was a matter of life and death , at
least in her family .
 
She looked over her dad after thirty minutes of silence and asked idly  “dad,
mom started taking calcium supplements right?”
Her dad nodded slightly, eyes still fixed on the road not interested in his
daughter inability to stand an hour without fidgeting around or rambling on
Ameerah ignored that and pressed on  “is it because of her thyroid or is it
hereditary?”
Her dad let out a sigh “it’s her thyroid ,naturally, why would you think it’s
hereditary, none of her family have brittle bones ‘ he had her full attention
now .
‘I had it , I had it when I was young around 12 or 11 I was diagnosed ‘
‘no you didn’t , you were never diagnosed ‘ his voice annoyed now, her eyebrow
shot to her forehead eyes big as saucers and her voice is a little higher ‘yes
I was I broke my arm and the doctor said I needed calcium supplements ‘ moving
her back against the door so now she had full access to her dad side view.
Her dad answers in the most nonchalant attitude ever as if he was not about to
shatter her reality “you’re not 12 anymore ameerah, you were a healthy child
you outwrestled your older brother and male cousins every time “he turns his
head towards her. Stopping at a red light “your mom broke your arm, and you
know that’
“I know that  dad “ she parked at him  without meaning too ‘sorry ,dad , I know
I know what happened , but the doctor said- her dad cut her midsentence “ I
know what he said , and that’s what the doctor agreed to write in your file,
for my benefit’. Looking away from her now, the red light has gone green. He
continues ‘and that’s what we told your teachers ‘      
“But why, why did you need to tell me that, I knew she broke it and you knew
and the doctor knew, and my teachers knew, why lie?” she said quizzically her
voice softening with confusion.
‘You didn’t just break your arm kid; you had multiple hairline fracture in your
elbow joint too, the injury was defensive you were shielding your face when she
hit you, look I know you are a screamer you never take a beating in silence
.but no amount of screaming would mask the sound of a bone breaking . I asked
your mom about why she raised her hand .she said you did not vacuum the living
room correctly do you remember?’
 
Ameerah nodded, entirely focused on her dad wanting to see where he was going
with this harrowing walk down memory lane.
her dad continue “ we had to tell her you had brittle bones so she would take a
gentler hand with her discipline .so no you didn’t have brittle bones and get
your stuff ready we are almost there’the last words were said with such
finality  that she knew her dad had ended the conversation.
 She pressed her quivering lips together, now that her dad admitted to her that
he knew about her abuse, her morning has officially begun, shitty as all her
days.
 
She had half an hour before her class ,so she zipped through the limp flailing
condensed dumb bodies crammed in front of class doors along the hallway, and
ducked into the cafeteria took off her first abaya finally able to comprehend
the fact she was still wearing it .
Looking around her everyone was wearing their shoulder abaya indoors even
though there was no real reason in a girls only university , to her that was
appalling, a sign of her oppression, the word sheep came to mind as she yanked
at her second abaya with vigor scrunching her face at the sight of her stupid
black skirt.
Once she was down to her jeans and tee shirt, with all her extra clothes shoved
into her bag of rebellion, hating the way she stood out without the armor of
the modest black garment , she flung her body at a chair in the furthest corner
of the cafeteria her back to the wall her body facing the room with clear
vision of both the counter and the door. 
Once her laptop was plugged in and turned on, she got some diet coke and a box
of pocky chocolate sticks, even though she liked the lotte Pepero ones better,
alas they did not sell them here. Reading a pirated copy of a song of ice and
fire cherry picking the chapters under daenerys name only, giving the arya ones
some rest.
The conversation with her dad easily filed away for a later time ,now daenerys
has birthed fucking dragons ,ameerah is reluctantly aware of the time so she
slams her laptop shut and luges her bag hurriedly to make it early enough for
her to find a seat suitable to her mood
She sits the teacher teaches and the students learn, and it’s all a blur of
“bored,bored,bored,”.   
All the math related bullshit is done after 8 hours of  pure agony ,she
fidgeted to hell and back  slept woke died and lived a thousand times in that
duration ,and now she gets to wait for her dad to pick her up while she sites
silently in the cafeteria thinking about binaries and codes and many thought
inducing things .
Unaware of the girls around her, or what they were yapping about she was
definitely done and done with this god-awful Sunday.
 
 
 
 
 
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